Happy New Year!
It seems like only yesterday, corks were popping as we welcomed in the New Year and while 2014 is indeed quite young, many of the millions of resolutions made with vigorous conviction are already fading to the back of our minds. There they will remain, inactive, or so you think. The truth is our abandoned resolutions and the broken promises we make to ourselves, still have the power to drain our energy like a parasite that only looks harmless until you take it under the loop for examination.
It is when we take a closer look at the nature of broken resolutions and neglected goals that we realize that the promises that we repeatedly make and break to ourselves are harmful and left to nest at the back of our minds, they grow roots of self-defeat that can suck the life out of our hopes, dreams and visions.
Am I being too melodramatic? You tell me. What I know for sure is that the more often we break promises to ourselves, the easier it gets to break them. Think of that fitness club membership that you never use. And the more often we break our promises to ourselves, the less likely we are to achieve our goals and live our dreams. It doesn’t have to be this way.
So what can you do to make promises to yourself that you will keep? At the risk of sounding like your mother, the key to succeeding here is knowledge- and action. Knowing WHAT you want to achieve is important and knowing WHY is even more important and knowing HOW the why connects to your core values is absolutely essential. When you are fully aware of the responses to these three questioning words, the action part becomes so much easier.
Let’s look at THE New Year’s resolution classics of how this works. Imagine your big 2014 goal is to lose 15 pounds. That is your what. Now, why do you want to lose 15 pounds? If your response is something like, “so, I can look better,” I challenge you to connect “So I can look better” to one of your innermost values what you and your life are about. If you have difficulty doing this, your resolution is already well down the path of defeat. Why? Because although there is a certain high that comes with rocking that pencil skirt or flexing the pecs under that rugged Henley shirt, at the most basic level, we desire more. We are wired for a purpose-driven life; we want things to matter to us and make a difference in our lives and the world around us.
Do you feel an argument, welling up inside you? Perhaps you are thinking, “Hey lady, I really do want to lose 15 pounds and look HOT, darn it!” O.k. Then get to the bottom of “why”. Let’s go back to the goal and try to find out where “looking better” fits into what is at the core of who you are and what you value.
What would “looking better” really mean to you? Imagine you have lost the weight. Go through the whole scenario in your mind as if you are living one day in your new body. How do look now? How does that make you feel? What is now different about your day or even about your life?
Let’s say you now imagine yourself wearing a fabulous outfit as you join a group of friends or colleagues for cocktails at a really “in” place, that you didn’t feel comfortable going to before (nor did you get invited.) Perhaps, the core value that is crying out for attention is “a sense of belonging” or “the need to feel accepted”. How much more powerful is that connection than simply “looking better”? Understanding what is driving you to make resolutions and other promises to yourself and the world, will help you to address the real issues and exponentially increase your chances of reaching any goal you choose.
So here’s another challenge from me to you: drag out all those resolutions nesting at the back of your mind – I know it may be a bit scary, but you can do it! Look at the what, examine the why and connect it to a core value. If you can’t connect the why to one of your core values, you may be trying to live up to something you think you “should” be doing simply because the world says so and not because you truly want to achieve this. If you are able to connect the why to a core value, make sure that it is a positive value, anything else is just your inner critic trying to convince you that you are less than worthy and less than absolutely fabulous. (This is something else that I know for sure: You and I were made to shine and radiate the magnificent light of our creator.)
So clear out the parasites at the back of your mind, so you can put all your energy into making your dreams come true and living up to who you are meant to be.
And I have said it before and I’ll say it again – while you may want to do so for your health, you don’t need to lose 15 or even 5 pounds to be accepted and appreciated, although you may need to drop some dead weight like negative thinking and superficial “friends”…
TAKE ACTION. MAKE IT HAPPEN! You don’t have to do it alone. Send me a message or give me a ring so we can get started on making this year, your year. A twenty minute consultation will only cost you twenty minutes of your time. That is a real deal!